Archive for the ‘Blogroll’ Category

How Amazing is the Brain?

Sunday, August 24th, 2008

Mirrored from: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/06/30/080630fa_fact_gawande?printable=true

It was still shocking to M. how much a few wrong turns could change your life. She had graduated from Boston College with a degree in psychology, married at twenty-five, and had two children, a son and a daughter. She and her family settled in a town on Massachusetts’ southern shore. She worked for thirteen years in health care, becoming the director of a residence program for men who’d suffered severe head injuries. But she and her husband began fighting. There were betrayals. By the time she was thirty-two, her marriage had disintegrated. In the divorce, she lost possession of their home, and, amid her financial and psychological struggles, she saw that she was losing her children, too. Within a few years, she was drinking. She began dating someone, and they drank together. After a while, he brought some drugs home, and she tried them. The drugs got harder. Eventually, they were doing heroin, which turned out to be readily available from a street dealer a block away from her apartment.

(more…)

What Gives Me the Right?

Monday, August 4th, 2008

A short while ago I posted something I had written a long while ago. It went like this: “people who think might makes right are pretty much assholes.”

Since then, I’ve had an opportunity to call myself an asshole for doing just that.

When it comes to PvP, I thought of myself as a “nice guy.” I don’t attack other players unprovoked. I thought this meant my philosophy was, “don’t be a dick.” But that explanation didn’t quite cover my actions. You see, while I am definitely not a dick “because I can,” I most certainly AM a dick to people who choose to be a dick to me first. If you kill me for no reason, I absolutely will retaliate. If you kill me while I’m doing an escort quest or fighting mobs or weakened for some reason, I will retaliate three three fold. I happen to be a class that is especially suited for world PvP retaliation, and I happen to be a HUGE dick when I think people deserve it.

I was participating in a “Fishing Contest” that takes place in the game world. Winning the contest nets you a neat fishing pole (which I already have) or a neat trinket (which I don’t need). I wasn’t there to win. I was there because I wanted one of the rare fish you could only catch during the contest. I happen to know that this contest is generally ruthless, so I tried to fish off the beaten path. It didn’t work. A particularly well-geared shaman found me and started attacking me. I attacked back. I came to realize he had pretty nearly infinite mana, and my mediocre dps and inability to interrupt his heals sufficiently meant that I wasn’t going to be able to kill him. That’s fine, I told myself, as I swam to my escape. As I swam back to that area, however, I found him standing by the fishing pool but not fishing. He was “spotting” for his friend, who came up a bit later. His friend was trying to win the contest, and he aimed to help his friend win by attacking any other person fishing they came across. Well, that didn’t sit right with me, so I decided to do something about it. I decided that this guy would not successfully help his friend win the fishing contest. How did I do that? By casting a stun spell on his friend (which interrupted his fishing) and then swimming away (preventing them from following and killing me). I did this over and over for the next 20 minutes until someone else won the contest and these two left.

They messed with the wrong druid, ya know?

I’m a self righteous dick. I decide that you won’t win the fishing contest and then make it so; not because I am skilled enough to take on two people who outgear me, but because my class just happens to have the skills that make it possible for me to pull it off.

I’ve thought about it quite a bit recently and I can’t justify it as anything other than that “asshole philosophy” I mentioned earlier. No, I don’t apply the philosophy to people who don’t “deserve it” in my opinion (well… unless they’re friends with someone who does deserve it I guess), but I sure take advantage of such a philosophy whenever I get the chance. It’s sort of the basic reason I have fun on a PvP server, I like the feeling of power that comes along with punishing someone who I think is a jerk. It’s probably very similar to the feeling of power those jerks get when killing someone who is low on life fighting 3 mobs.

Sure I consider myself better than them, but we run on the same juice. Philosophically I’d say my original “don’t be a dick” philosophy still stands, it just has the rather “Punisher-esque” caveat that if someone is a dick to me or my friends, then I will turn their philosophy against them. I’m like a gentle giant who turns into a douche when you are mean :D

Conversation Snippet

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

(10:09:18 PM) ElleryTheJones: then I wander out father, and find the mom I’m actually supposed to kill
(10:09:30 PM) ElleryTheJones: mom?
(10:09:31 PM) ElleryTheJones: rofl
(10:09:32 PM) ElleryTheJones: mob
(10:09:46 PM) famous last slur: you said father too dude
(10:09:52 PM) famous last slur: you’re creepin’ me out here haha

My Flawed Philosophy

Monday, July 14th, 2008

Note: I originally wrote this in Jan of 2007, and only recently dug it up and decided to give it an edit and post it up.

I have always taken issue with people who adhered to the tenets of Nietzsche*, or proposed a ‘might makes right’ attitude. The adopted brother (I believe) in “The Brother’s Karamazov” argued that if there was a God, then it was God who was responsible for his [the brother's] evil actions, and if there was not a God then there was thus no afterlife in which he was judged for his evil actions, and as such the evil actions were perfectly acceptable. Now, that isn’t the exact argument, no doubt, and it may even be the wrong book or character (indeed, I never read the book, I am recalling only a single scene I saw in some English class many years ago). The point is, I’ve always seen that “sort” of philosophy as inherently flawed. The “Ring of Gyges” type of philosophy.

*[I’ve never read Nietzsche, only briefly studied]

I had always internally characterized this sort of philosophy as an “asshole philosophy.” That is to say, this is the philosophy adopted by an asshole who wishes to rationalize their behavior. This fatalist (a term which I will self apply often enough) attitude that equates to: “I can, and you would, so I do.” Whenever I heard people speak like this I would judge them internally as assholes, and consider their path to philosophy not one born from questions and curiosity, but instead one born from a need to defend their actions, to defend actions which they felt guilty for.

It worked. I could think of people who took this path as assholes, but I had never put any thought into why one would have such a need to take this path in the first place. That is to say, I didn’t take this path, and as such I never thought deeply on it. And, only recently I sheepishly realized how flawed my own philosophical path was. I didn’t necessarily think at length about the questions of life and come to whatever conclusions I have come to, not by a long shot. Instead I merely looked at my own life–which of course includes the horrible things I see in the news or otherwise–and from that evidence (empiricism, yay) made my conclusions.

Is having an “asshole philosophy” a weakness? It obviously betrays a lack of trust in humanity, but is that something that can be seen as a weakness in the person who comes to such a conclusion? My life has been exceptionally good. Because of this, my general philosophy has been a positive one: don’t fuck with other people. But what of people whose lives have not been good. What reason would they have to believe that, “don’t fuck with other people,” is even remotely applicable? They know all too well that such a philosophy is obviously not going to work because invariably others will fuck with them.

How is it possible for me to judge people when it comes to something as uncertain as philosophy? Yet I cannot shake the notion that people who do feel that might makes right are somehow inferior to me. Force is a trump card. In things large and small it is inarguably a way to get what you want. Granted, it can have consequences, but what of them? If the consequence is that you are then killed or harmed, well that just proves the rule further. If the consequence is that you are suddenly unloved or distrusted, does that necessarily disprove the rule?

What if it does? What if might does not make right simply because you cannot control the thoughts of others, and thus cannot determine how others judge you. That is, perhaps, the ultimate failing point of such a philosophy: you can use it to take physical things, or to inflict pain, but you cannot use it to force someone to believe something you wish them to believe. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to write in that previous sentence, and in the end it turned out I couldn’t think of a “good” “failing point” of such a philosophy that doesn’t apply to every other philosophy out there: there is nothing you can do, physical or otherwise, that will force someone to believe what you wish them to believe. You can mislead, lie, bribe, threaten, torture, but you cannot change another person’s mind, truly.

And no philosophy is “best” at convincing others. While one man may be turned off at the demonstration of physical force, another may be impressed. While one scoffs at an attempt at reasoning, another may be intrigued.

When I read “A Song of Ice and Fire” I am often upset at how easily some characters are swayed by others, at how quickly lies can turn someone. And though I do still consider myself a pessimist, I temper that with a general attitude of ‘innocent until proven guilty.’ That is to say I will approach most new people with the assumption that they are ‘good’ until they prove otherwise. So I am curious: is my philosophy working for me? Were I to exist in the seedy world of Ice and Fire, would I be a pawn in someone else’s game because of my philosophy, or do my wits pick out the flaws in others quick enough that I could avoid such traps. And, indeed, I am rare to open up, but when I sense innocence I tend to display my feelings, and yet feigned innocence is no doubt easy to achieve.

Where do I sit? Am I but a weak minded fool put to use by others, yet driven by my belief that most people are good? Or am I the distrusting curmudgeon who lives a long and unfulfilled life?

What philosophy avoids the pit traps in a world where Nietzsche exists? Must one always be on their guard? Such a dismal place, this. And yet, that is where the excitement of life lies: the pain.

Childhood Dreams

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

Really interesting lecture by some guy named Randy Pausch. Includes a “world destruction” sequence reminiscent of Don Hertzfeldt’s “Rejected,” as well as a random guy who kind of looks like “the Dude,” but with louder clothing. Oh, and a lot of wisdom as well :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo&eurl=http://www.dipity.com/user/tatercakes/timeline/Internet_Memes/embed_tl?fs=1#

Give it a watch if you’ve the time and inkling.

SoCal Driving

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

I just got off of the 15 at Mira Mesa Blvd. I was in the middle lane of three. A guy to my right was about three car lengths in front of me, and nobody else was near us. The light, the intersection for which the other guy was about 1/4 through, turned yellow. I decided I had time and applied a bit of gas to make sure. Suddenly, the guy in the lane to my right had to slam on his brakes. Some goof from the freeway off-ramp is pulling out in front of him, despite his light being red. Of the “right turn” lanes, this new guy is in the *left* lane, so he’s actually pulling out in front of me. I, too, have to slam on the brakes. So now me and this other guy are sitting in the intersection (myself only a little bit, him about 1/3 of the way throuhg), but the light is now red. So we just sit there. Then the light turns green and we start to go. Suddenly, he has to slam on his brakes AGAIN, as someone on the off-ramp has decided that since the light was *just* yellow, he should be safe if he just runs the red light.

Oh… I Almost Forgot

Monday, June 9th, 2008

Two things about that book I’m reading.

1. I forgot to mention that this force of vampire slayers is ALSO a popular rock/rap group. It definitely adds a feel of “Saturday morning cartoon” to the mix. “By day they’re a rap group, but by night they hunt vampires!” It definitely doesn’t help me take the book more seriously.

2. I used Google to search for a particularly bad line (you know, to see if anybody else thought it was as bad as I did). Only one search result was returned and it ended up being a message board where someone was “writing” a story and fans were posting responses. This story–which I skimmed–was a horribly blatant rip off of the book :P I suppose it’s possible that the person “writing” it wasn’t actually plagiarizing (as in, was admittedly just ‘re-imagining’ the story or something), but I’d still like to believe they were :)

A Convenient Conglomeration of Time-Wasting Activities

Sunday, June 8th, 2008

Yesterday I found myself wondering what I should spend my time doing. Going over my choices I told myself that right now is a good time to be interested in the things I’m interested in. I’ve a number of things with which to pass my time and thus keep those pesky non-work hours from being wasted. Let’s begin.

I am about three-quarters through Minion by L.A. Banks. I decided to read at least the first book in this series after stumbling upon a lexicon for this specific vampire universe. Why did the lexicon draw me in? Well, I’ve decided I’m going to use that as a segue into the next topic, so I’ll hit it after I talk briefly on the book itself.

In brief: elite vampire hunting squad who has a “special” member with them who is going through a really specific and special sort of puberty (she’s not a vampire, but definitely not vanilla human either).

The book is interesting. I’ve been very into deep characters as of late and as such this book put me off from the get go, as all the characters (as of right now) come across as rather cliche. This may change, but I am not holding out any specific hope. I was also taken aback by the sudden drop into the action. Without being a writer I can’t properly explain it, but I felt like the writer or publisher wanted the book to start as if it were an action movie (the book proper, that is, not the 2-3 “prologue” chapters dealing with the past). I start the book and am immediately along with the team on a hunt, hearing all the jargon and curses that go along with it. I’m not sure why this shocked me, but I was honestly expecting (and I guess hoping) for the book to build into the action. Maybe it was just the action coming right at me, or maybe it was something specific about the action I didn’t like. After the initial scene I managed to get into the flow of the book a bit better and I now find reading it more enjoyable. We’ll see how I feel after finishing it, though.

So, how did a lexicon alone pull me in? While reading that lexicon I appreciated that things were mapped out in a logical manner. Instead of “a list of vampire rules,” this was, “a list of vampire rules with explanations.” As a consumer of lore, I really like the idea that something is mapped out in a logical manner before hand. You know, to prevent inconsistencies and stuff.

SEGUE!

So, when it comes to reading rules, I’ve been playing around in Mass Effect this weekend. One feature in the game is the “codex,” which is just a collection of “lore” that you can read at any time. You know how a quest journal lets you ignore what the NPC is saying to you until you actually want to DO the quest? A codex lets you ignore lore until you are actually curious. I decided to read some of it today (I wanted to “clear out” the entries that were still marked unread). Doing that I often felt that I could’ve been reading from internal design notes directly. This is from a designer’s perspective–not a players–so in my opinion this was a good thing. I imagined this codex as existing prior to a quest writer implementing content. The quest writer would read this codex to get a feel for things and then use that as a starting point. Like that quest writer, a player can leaf over his codex and get an idea for things to come. I don’t know why that specific aspect caught my attention so much, but it felt “right” to me exposing the “rules” that designers live by to players as well. Of course, I have no idea if those notes were something scribbled down by a designer when implementing lore, or if they were painstakingly crafted after the fact. But the fact that they felt original is what pleased me.

The rest of the game happens to be amazing. Among the stuff I don’t pay much attention to: the environments are beautiful (the colors of the ship interior really feel spot on, for instance), the emotions present in the NPCs when speaking–even in non-humans–is subtle and works, the music is quite pleasing, the voice acting is great on average, and with very few exceptions the UI is something you don’t notice.

And the things I do pay attention to? The story is good so far. Yes, a little reminiscent of KOTOR, yes a little cliche at times, but strong and enjoyable nonetheless. The combat is like KOTOR with 70% less “clunkyness,” melded with a nice dose of Halo, and it definitely appeals to my play style. And the gameplay beyond the combat is wonderfully varied (and well paced to boot). Land on a planet, ride around in your “warthog” and shoot some things, get on foot to inspect a canister, play a really short puzzle game where winning feels like a prize and losing feels like no big deal, drive around some more, run into a compound with your crew and lay waste to some baddies, spend 20 minutes in your spaceship just scanning planets from afar hoping to find rare minerals… and then sit back and eat a burger while you read through the codex. And all that stuff I just mentioned? Polished to a high sheen. It works, and it works well (assuming we ignore crashes–I’ve learned to save often).

As an aside, I picked up Mass Effect from Fry’s. I paid 39 bucks for it. Fry’s is smart. They mark big games off the first week they’re out. If you’re into video games, and know releases, and pick up games when they first come out, you win by going to Fry’s and getting it cheaper than anywhere else. And Fry’s wins by knowing that you know to go there.

So how else have I been wasting my time? I just finished up season 4 of The Wire. I said above that I loved deep characters. This is one of The Wire’s strong points: an entire cast of flawed characters. Even the most heinous “bad guys” (and the most heinous “good guys,” for that matter) end up having some redeeming quality that endears them to you on some level. It feels good to pull for someone to push themselves just over a line and better themselves–even if that person isn’t real. Actually, probably especially if that person isn’t real, since they’ve been crafted specifically to make you want to pull for them.

Anyway, good times in time wasting.

A Foreign Smell in the Dark

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

…can instantly transport the mind and give the sensation of memory without specifics. It’s unvetted, surprising, and comforting.

This is Me

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

While playing the demo for Bookwork Adventures I one-shot final boss using a single word beefed up with extra damage tiles. That word was Execute. It was awesome.

I Just Witnessed a Cat Catch a Fly

Friday, April 25th, 2008

It was awesome!

A New Day

Monday, April 21st, 2008

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life. And today is no different; I throw off the shackles of unemployment–which have chained me down for far too long (2 days so far)–and attach the shackles of employment–which will chain me down for the days to come.

Insensitivity

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

A thought flew over my head a few days ago, and then again today. I think it was triggered by something that happened while watching House.

[ Aside break]

House is a fun show. It appeals to me probably because I feel like being that frank would be refreshingly awesome. The idea, I guess, is that if I am completely honest, I no longer have to deal with someone that I don’t feel does their job well. “Him?” I’d ask. “I don’t want him on my team, he smells like chocolate all day and doesn’t carry his weight.”

Yeah, that’s fun. Being rude is fun. Social honesty seems like it would be refreshing. I’m sure it actually isn’t.

Well… kind of sure…

[/aside]

So anyway, a thought was formed. When I was young (and still in certain doses today) I suffered from a fear of new situations. I also suffered from a fear of social situations. Anything that was new AND social was, of course, especially frightening. The two big ones for me were always driving and girls. Driving was a new and frightening experience. The first time I tried to fill up my tank I was frightened. The first time I had to go somewhere I was frightened (that’s actually still kind of true–I genuinely dislike having to drive some place I’ve never been before). And girls, well… My self esteem always reminded me of my shortcomings, so girls were always a fearful thing. Not girls so much as the idea of having that grand thing known as love (girls, of course, being the path I had to travel for that ideal life).

Have I gotten over these things? Yes, somewhat. Sure, I still dislike the driving-new-places bit, but I still do it. Sure, the idea of putting myself out there, ripe for rejection, still frightens me, but I’ve a girlfriend now so it isn’t a worry I wrestle with.

The thought–yeah, that whole thing I originally wanted to speak on–was: in cases of social anxiety, autism, whatever happened on that house episode I was watching, and etc., what would have been done in ages past? Actually the thought didn’t really cover autism. Mostly I was thinking about social anxiety, because I believe (with no real evidence) that I suffered from it. But I was never given any meds, and today I’m quite social. These days, however, a prescription for a social anxiety is most certainly not looked down upon. I don’t mean to suggest that it should be, but what if part of the body’s (or soul’s) natural growth procedure actually relies on overcoming obstacles?

What if we’re shortchanging ourselves on a biological level every time we take medication to overcome something of that nature? (ah, you see, that’s where the article title came from) Remember Calvin & Hobbes? His father would always say, “It builds character,” when Calvin questioned why he had to do chores.

Where would my life be today if I had taken medication for social anxiety?

That Darn Bladder

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

I get into this situation 3-5 times every week:

I drink a lot of water at work. Because of this I go to the bathroom 2-4 times a day (while at work). I also work while at work. A conflict arises because of this: I am trying to work on something, but my bladder keeps distracting me. It is difficult to focus, because I need to take the piss. However, I don’t want to get up and risk losing my “work groove” (which is, because of the difficulty in keeping focus, ever waning). I therefore go on working in discomfort up until the point that my need to urinate exceeds my desire to continue working. Finally I get up with a sigh and relieve myself. I hate my stupid bladder.

XLII

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Sometimes, the most beautiful thing of all is watching the destruction of something beautiful.