Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

How Amazing is the Brain?

Sunday, August 24th, 2008

Mirrored from: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/06/30/080630fa_fact_gawande?printable=true

It was still shocking to M. how much a few wrong turns could change your life. She had graduated from Boston College with a degree in psychology, married at twenty-five, and had two children, a son and a daughter. She and her family settled in a town on Massachusetts’ southern shore. She worked for thirteen years in health care, becoming the director of a residence program for men who’d suffered severe head injuries. But she and her husband began fighting. There were betrayals. By the time she was thirty-two, her marriage had disintegrated. In the divorce, she lost possession of their home, and, amid her financial and psychological struggles, she saw that she was losing her children, too. Within a few years, she was drinking. She began dating someone, and they drank together. After a while, he brought some drugs home, and she tried them. The drugs got harder. Eventually, they were doing heroin, which turned out to be readily available from a street dealer a block away from her apartment.

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Mirrors

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

I spend days in thought

Then hours in writing

Still more days in waiting.

And finally I had created

That which I needed

To prove your shortcomings.

And as I reread it

To affirm and to edit

I found my own failures

staring back at me.

What Gives Me the Right?

Monday, August 4th, 2008

A short while ago I posted something I had written a long while ago. It went like this: “people who think might makes right are pretty much assholes.”

Since then, I’ve had an opportunity to call myself an asshole for doing just that.

When it comes to PvP, I thought of myself as a “nice guy.” I don’t attack other players unprovoked. I thought this meant my philosophy was, “don’t be a dick.” But that explanation didn’t quite cover my actions. You see, while I am definitely not a dick “because I can,” I most certainly AM a dick to people who choose to be a dick to me first. If you kill me for no reason, I absolutely will retaliate. If you kill me while I’m doing an escort quest or fighting mobs or weakened for some reason, I will retaliate three three fold. I happen to be a class that is especially suited for world PvP retaliation, and I happen to be a HUGE dick when I think people deserve it.

I was participating in a “Fishing Contest” that takes place in the game world. Winning the contest nets you a neat fishing pole (which I already have) or a neat trinket (which I don’t need). I wasn’t there to win. I was there because I wanted one of the rare fish you could only catch during the contest. I happen to know that this contest is generally ruthless, so I tried to fish off the beaten path. It didn’t work. A particularly well-geared shaman found me and started attacking me. I attacked back. I came to realize he had pretty nearly infinite mana, and my mediocre dps and inability to interrupt his heals sufficiently meant that I wasn’t going to be able to kill him. That’s fine, I told myself, as I swam to my escape. As I swam back to that area, however, I found him standing by the fishing pool but not fishing. He was “spotting” for his friend, who came up a bit later. His friend was trying to win the contest, and he aimed to help his friend win by attacking any other person fishing they came across. Well, that didn’t sit right with me, so I decided to do something about it. I decided that this guy would not successfully help his friend win the fishing contest. How did I do that? By casting a stun spell on his friend (which interrupted his fishing) and then swimming away (preventing them from following and killing me). I did this over and over for the next 20 minutes until someone else won the contest and these two left.

They messed with the wrong druid, ya know?

I’m a self righteous dick. I decide that you won’t win the fishing contest and then make it so; not because I am skilled enough to take on two people who outgear me, but because my class just happens to have the skills that make it possible for me to pull it off.

I’ve thought about it quite a bit recently and I can’t justify it as anything other than that “asshole philosophy” I mentioned earlier. No, I don’t apply the philosophy to people who don’t “deserve it” in my opinion (well… unless they’re friends with someone who does deserve it I guess), but I sure take advantage of such a philosophy whenever I get the chance. It’s sort of the basic reason I have fun on a PvP server, I like the feeling of power that comes along with punishing someone who I think is a jerk. It’s probably very similar to the feeling of power those jerks get when killing someone who is low on life fighting 3 mobs.

Sure I consider myself better than them, but we run on the same juice. Philosophically I’d say my original “don’t be a dick” philosophy still stands, it just has the rather “Punisher-esque” caveat that if someone is a dick to me or my friends, then I will turn their philosophy against them. I’m like a gentle giant who turns into a douche when you are mean :D

My Flawed Philosophy

Monday, July 14th, 2008

Note: I originally wrote this in Jan of 2007, and only recently dug it up and decided to give it an edit and post it up.

I have always taken issue with people who adhered to the tenets of Nietzsche*, or proposed a ‘might makes right’ attitude. The adopted brother (I believe) in “The Brother’s Karamazov” argued that if there was a God, then it was God who was responsible for his [the brother's] evil actions, and if there was not a God then there was thus no afterlife in which he was judged for his evil actions, and as such the evil actions were perfectly acceptable. Now, that isn’t the exact argument, no doubt, and it may even be the wrong book or character (indeed, I never read the book, I am recalling only a single scene I saw in some English class many years ago). The point is, I’ve always seen that “sort” of philosophy as inherently flawed. The “Ring of Gyges” type of philosophy.

*[I’ve never read Nietzsche, only briefly studied]

I had always internally characterized this sort of philosophy as an “asshole philosophy.” That is to say, this is the philosophy adopted by an asshole who wishes to rationalize their behavior. This fatalist (a term which I will self apply often enough) attitude that equates to: “I can, and you would, so I do.” Whenever I heard people speak like this I would judge them internally as assholes, and consider their path to philosophy not one born from questions and curiosity, but instead one born from a need to defend their actions, to defend actions which they felt guilty for.

It worked. I could think of people who took this path as assholes, but I had never put any thought into why one would have such a need to take this path in the first place. That is to say, I didn’t take this path, and as such I never thought deeply on it. And, only recently I sheepishly realized how flawed my own philosophical path was. I didn’t necessarily think at length about the questions of life and come to whatever conclusions I have come to, not by a long shot. Instead I merely looked at my own life–which of course includes the horrible things I see in the news or otherwise–and from that evidence (empiricism, yay) made my conclusions.

Is having an “asshole philosophy” a weakness? It obviously betrays a lack of trust in humanity, but is that something that can be seen as a weakness in the person who comes to such a conclusion? My life has been exceptionally good. Because of this, my general philosophy has been a positive one: don’t fuck with other people. But what of people whose lives have not been good. What reason would they have to believe that, “don’t fuck with other people,” is even remotely applicable? They know all too well that such a philosophy is obviously not going to work because invariably others will fuck with them.

How is it possible for me to judge people when it comes to something as uncertain as philosophy? Yet I cannot shake the notion that people who do feel that might makes right are somehow inferior to me. Force is a trump card. In things large and small it is inarguably a way to get what you want. Granted, it can have consequences, but what of them? If the consequence is that you are then killed or harmed, well that just proves the rule further. If the consequence is that you are suddenly unloved or distrusted, does that necessarily disprove the rule?

What if it does? What if might does not make right simply because you cannot control the thoughts of others, and thus cannot determine how others judge you. That is, perhaps, the ultimate failing point of such a philosophy: you can use it to take physical things, or to inflict pain, but you cannot use it to force someone to believe something you wish them to believe. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to write in that previous sentence, and in the end it turned out I couldn’t think of a “good” “failing point” of such a philosophy that doesn’t apply to every other philosophy out there: there is nothing you can do, physical or otherwise, that will force someone to believe what you wish them to believe. You can mislead, lie, bribe, threaten, torture, but you cannot change another person’s mind, truly.

And no philosophy is “best” at convincing others. While one man may be turned off at the demonstration of physical force, another may be impressed. While one scoffs at an attempt at reasoning, another may be intrigued.

When I read “A Song of Ice and Fire” I am often upset at how easily some characters are swayed by others, at how quickly lies can turn someone. And though I do still consider myself a pessimist, I temper that with a general attitude of ‘innocent until proven guilty.’ That is to say I will approach most new people with the assumption that they are ‘good’ until they prove otherwise. So I am curious: is my philosophy working for me? Were I to exist in the seedy world of Ice and Fire, would I be a pawn in someone else’s game because of my philosophy, or do my wits pick out the flaws in others quick enough that I could avoid such traps. And, indeed, I am rare to open up, but when I sense innocence I tend to display my feelings, and yet feigned innocence is no doubt easy to achieve.

Where do I sit? Am I but a weak minded fool put to use by others, yet driven by my belief that most people are good? Or am I the distrusting curmudgeon who lives a long and unfulfilled life?

What philosophy avoids the pit traps in a world where Nietzsche exists? Must one always be on their guard? Such a dismal place, this. And yet, that is where the excitement of life lies: the pain.